Torn between two halves of society
by rosiemayzing
Summary: Britanna FanFic about Santana dealing with her sexuality. AU, with some connection to the actual storyline of the show. I hope you all enjoy. :
1. Chapter 1

I woke up and did my usual routine: shower, drink my Cheerios shake and Skype Brittany for a while as she chooses which soda to rinse with today.  
>High pony - check<br>Cheerios uniform - check  
>Cherry lipgloss - check<br>Witty remarks to use against Finn - check  
>Everything's in order, but something isn't right... I don't like this feeling. Something just feels wrong. Is this how Berry feels when she doesn't wear a sweater without stupid animals on? I attempt to shake it off as I wander out to catch the bus.<p>

I saw a mohawk run as I lock the door. I laugh, thinking he's forgotten his 'fro comb or whatever he uses to tame that dead ferret on his head- then I see. "Fuck" I say under my breath while throwing the house keys in my bag. "Fuck fuck fuck!" I start to run. "I can't miss this thing again!"  
>I swear that Vernon the bus driver just likes to see me run, the pervert. I just make it and slump down next to Britt who welcomes me with the cute lopsided smile she always does when she's genuinely happy. This, of course, makes me smile in return. I blush and turn away, annoyed with myself for feeling like this, towards <em>a girl.<em>

The thing I like the most about Britt is that she instantly knows when something's wrong, I mean it sucks really, but having someone who just knows when something's wrong… It's nice.

Listen to me. I'm becoming all emotional. This is what spending too much time in that damn choir room with _Schuester does, singing all those songs about feelings… and love… and Bri- I stop myself from carrying on. We need to get some serious sexiness happening in Glee club, or I don't know what'll happen with me. It's not like I'm __Team Lesbian __or anything. No way. I'm all for people doing it, but not me. I likes me some man. But Britt… I don't know… There's something about her that I can't explain. We've made out a couple of times, and she wanted commitment, but now she's with wheels and it just hurts. _

_Puck stops my train of thought by moving next to me and giving me the eyes. Something about that ferret head just turns me on. He says nothing, but places his hand on my leg, getting higher and higher with each second. No. I can't do this with him anymore. It just feels wrong now. "Stop Puckerman or I'll shove that hand so far down your throat you'll be able to feel the temperature of the toilet water. Got it?" I snarl. Okay, I didn't mean to be so __rude__, but he was way up in my business. A girl's gotta respect herself, right? "Calm down lady lumps, I was just playing" His face looked hurt. Good. He shouldn't have tried to get it on. I don't blame him, who wouldn't want to get on this? I mean, look at me. I'm Santana fricking Lopez. _

_I don't know why I rejected Puck, normally I'd be all for it. But something just doesn't feel right anymore. I shrug it off, as the bus comes to a stop. I step outside and feel the warm breeze on my face. __This is __**my **__school__, I think, __and in my school, __nothing__ gets in my way. I'm like fricking Moses._


	2. Chapter 2

First thing was Cheerios practice. Great, all I need is Coach Sylvester shouting at me for wobbling the bottom of the pyramid and my pony not being high enough. All I want is to go to Glee, now who would of thought that Santana Lopez would ENJOY that silly little club? I only joined to help Quinn spy on her whale and I now find it the highlight of the day. Maybe I enjoy it so much because it means I get to see Britt happy everyday? No Santana. It's because you get to see Puck. Puck and his sweet lips. Although, I used to find Puck playing guitar and singing **extremely** attractive, but now… I don't know. Now it's just kinda like watching the rest of them- minus Britt. Why has he become so unattractive recently? I don't understand. I used to love watching that boy play, and playing with that boy… But now, it just feels wrong and… Maybe this is the silicone inside me affecting my brain? I've heard that surgery changes people. Yes, Santana. This is why your feeling like this, couple of weeks and it'll pass. You'll see. I spent the rest of practice thinking of ways to destroy Berry.

I walked to the choir room with my head held high and my pinky wrapped around Britt's. "I'm so excited for the new choreography we're doing Santana, it's the best thing I've ever done… Except maybe you" I freeze on the spot and try to laugh it off. _Jesus,_ what if someone heard her? What would happen if word got out that we do stuff together? I ignore her comment and start to walk faster to get to the choir room (possibly one of the safest places for me right now, I don't know… I feel at home here and like nothing can upset me. I know I'm a tough bitch and everything, but lately I've been so cautious about everything) We finally get there after what seems hours of walking down the same corridors and I take the seat next to Quinn. "What's up preggers? Are your stretch marks rubbing together just from sitting down?" I smirk while Berry walks in and takes the seat next to us, probably to spy on Q, we all know she's total jealous of her new relationship, although I fail to see why. "I'm not pregnant anymore, Santana. Leave it alone already." Rachael nearly hits me with her snoz and butts in. "I don't want to hear such things in this choir room, it's my serenity where I can gladly show off everything I was made for, so please, hush." As she presses her finger to her lips. "Ha! Please! Could you get any more pathetic? We all know you're sat next to us **wanting** to hear in our conversation to see if Preggo here's got it on with her man yet, and you heard me correctly, HER man." I lash back. Quinn smirks as Rachael swaps seats next to Tina. I'm an awful person, I know that. I try to stop myself, I really do, but it feels like the only way I can cope. I never used to be like this. I used to be a sweet little girl, with pig tails and lollipops. Like a little Rachael, but less annoying. Ever since the night that me and Britt had our first kiss together, everything changed. It was Karofsky's 13th birthday party, the first house party I ever went to, and it's fair to say I was drunk. It was a game of spin the bottle, and even at 13 I'd already kissed all the guys there so it wasn't a big deal for me, until Britt wanted in. A few turns later and it ended on us both, all the guys cheered and I looked up into her innocent eyes. A five second make out later and my world was turned upside down. It felt different. Not wrong, but different. I went home straight after that, wanting to lie down and sort my head out. It's funny how I don't remember any of that party except that part. Even before that, I've always wanted to be close to Britt. In the corridors we used to link arms (that's until we discovered the infamous pinky hold) and I hugged her at any chance. Jesus, what's wrong with me?


End file.
